what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
