I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
