She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
