I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
