u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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