I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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