i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
