So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
