I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
