so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
