Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
