i need an iv and a liver transplant
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
