dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
