They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
