His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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