So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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