Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
