The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
