I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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