I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
