Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
