also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He felt like a one man threesome
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
