I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
