Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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