fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
