I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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