Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
this hospital has no fireball
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
