girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
