Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
