Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
