how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
