I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
