I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
