Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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