...so i touched it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
