Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
