How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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