The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
