So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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