I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Found your dick twin last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
