hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
