Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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