I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
