I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
