My nipple is on Facebook.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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