If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
