holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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