Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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