maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
