How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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