I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
