u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
